the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
