im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I could make wine with my vomit
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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