Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
