If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
