:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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