my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
