I'm drive I can fine osifer
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
