Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
