Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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