Im at strip club and am horny
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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