Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My life is pants optional.
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