Your dad touched me again.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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