the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
