My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
