do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
