toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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