ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
