tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
