I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
