That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
