Can i not drive my cunt home
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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