i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
