where am i from again
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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