So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
