You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
