You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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