so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
