So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
