it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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