We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
