I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
