it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he thought i was a dude.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
