got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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