I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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