she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
