She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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