he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
