hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
