So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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