Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
