Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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