btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You smell like a Billy Joel song
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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