dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
