i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
