He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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