Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
