You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
what day is it and did you see me today?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
