Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
