the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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