note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This is classic penis vs brain.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
