Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
