I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
